Why do Roughs have Such Tight Buns?

Why do Roughs have Such Tight Buns?
Is it because of playing football
And running away from stolen cars
Perhaps pumping iron from behind bars
How I envy the rock-hard butts of those felons.
Why?
Because mine have all the consistency
Of the insides of watermelons.
I’ve always fancied a sturdy arse
If they could be measured theatrically
Roughs bottoms are Shakespeare
Mine, a bedroom farce.
Where they have six-packs
I have a belly
At teatime their buns are rock cakes
Mine, a Shivers Jelly.

Why do Roughs have Such Tight Buns?
Why do dominatrix’s dress as nuns?
If a jogger’s not jogging
Has he got the runs?
Oh why do Roughs have Such Tight Buns?

Why do Scallies have Such Hard Botts?
Is it because they squat and thrust
Or from that boyish wrestling I
In the mud and dust?
I imagine their lust eclipsing desire
Oh Scallies
If you’re the poker
Then let me be your fire
And if I get too hot to handle
Don’t rough me up and shout
Just piss on me
That’ll happily put me out.
I want to run my fingers through your tousled hair
Breathe in the freshness of your derri-ere
And if you falter
Don’t despair
For my lips are cushions
My tongue, a chair
So when you’re beat
Just take a seat

Oh why do Scallies have Such Hard Botts?
Do the super-cool get the super-hots?
If a horse isn’t galloping
Has it got the trots?
Oh why do Scallies have Such Hard Botts?